Melanie Delorme was a content English teacher, wife, mother, sister and friend when without warning she gained the title of bereaved parent when her eight-year-old son Garrett was accidentally killed in a hunting accident. Her road to healing brought her to write her first book. Melanie is involved with her local chapter of Compassionate Friends and is passionate about offering hope to other bereaved parents. She is currently living on a ranch in Southern Saskatchewan with her husband, Gerry, and their two children.
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After the Flowers Die: A Handbook of Heartache, Hope and Healing After Losing a child by Author Melanie Delorme
"Is it possible to survive the loss of a child?
Even though you might be feeling that the answer to this question is no, never, absolutely not; be assured that not only is it possible for you to survive, but you are also strong enough to thrive after this devastating tragedy.
The loss of a child creates a gaping hole in a parent’s heart that seems unbearable and the only people who truly understand your pain are other bereaved parents. Melanie is one of those parents and, in After the Flowers Die, she offers encouragement, hope and honest suggestions for how you can once again experience joy.
This book is written in an easy to read A to Z format and covers topics that many parents may experience, such as anger, bitterness, birthdays, Christmas, hope, signs, and more. If you have lost a child and are feeling hurt and lost, this book is a great starting point for you to acknowledge your loss, celebrate your child’s life and find hope.
Are you ready to begin your journey towards healing?"
Anger is such a dangerous emotion to embrace, and even though it does not rear its head without cause, too often we forget that we have the power to control it. Every time I wanted to scream at someone, it was warranted—in my mind. However, what would it have gained me? Would it have made me feel better? Maybe for a minute. But unless it brought my son back, it would not have made me truly happy, and to be the source of another person's hurt was not going to make me feel better.
I know a mother whose child was Idned by a reckless driver who failed to stop at a stop sign. This mother spent three years living in a state of rage. She attended every court hearing the driver faced, insisting that he be jailed for life. She wrote letters to her government officials demanding that he never receive bail, and she spoke of nothing else. The courts deemed this particular accident to be just that—an accident, and the man spent no time in jail. We can all understand her outrage, but having that man spend the rest of his life in jail was not going to take away her agony; it was not going to bring her daughter back. Furthermore, that man was also going to spend the rest of his life hurting and coping with his guilt.
Anger becomes dangerous when we choose to take this emotion with us on our daily journey. The bottom line is this: the more time you spend angry, the less time you will spend grieving and the further away it will take you from your memories and the further away you will be from acceptance.
So why isn't anger higher on the list than acceptance? Well obviously, because my book would no longer be alphabetical. But seriously, accept that you may be angry. Allow yourself to be angry—temporarily. It will be the acceptance of your anger that will allow you to deal with it in a healthy or even practical manner. Consider taking some action to alleviate your anger. Throw something. Punch something. Scream in your car. Cry in your bedroom. Perhaps one of these will make you feel better, or perhaps you need a bigger outlet for your anger.
Have you ever heard of Candy Lightner? She was so outraged when her daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver in 1980 that she organized Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). I It doesn't get much more practical than that! I'm not saying you need to become the founder of a new organization, but perhaps you can join an existing one or simply share your anger with others who have had similar experiences.
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